I know I signed up for the One Minute Writer writing prompts, but I will tell you what I have been doing with them: I have been watching them pop up on my Google Reader, making sarcastic remarks about them to myself, and then hitting “Mark As Read”.

Let me say this is definitely not the fault of the writers of these prompts – they are good prompts! I am just lazy and sarcastic. And also I am not a very good blogger.

I thought I would just write down the prompts that have popped up lately and what kinds of remarks I made in my head when they popped up. Just because, you know, this catches me up AND creates a blog post, as useless as that blog post might be.

• “Acceptance Speech: You’ve just been given a Best Actor or Best Actress award. You know how short acceptance speeches need to be for these televised shows…. Take one minute to write your speech.”
  During the Oscars last night I just kept thinking it would be totally amazing if Sandra Bullock or Gabby Sidibe would actually do what all of us who were rejected as weird/ugly/nerdy in high school always dreamed of doing, and say something really specific like “And I would just like to tell Jessica to kiss my Oscar-winning @ss!”. I know that sounds mean and spiteful, but wouldn’t that just be awesome!?
• “Dining: Write about a memorable dining experience you’ve had.”
  When I read this prompt I started worrying about what we were going to have for dinner that night, realizing I had no idea, and trying to think of something I could make that would prevent having to buy food at a restaurant.
• “Dance: Write a brief bit of fiction using the prompt “Dance.””
  I’m pretty sure I just laughed at this one because everyone knows I can’t dance. However, if I have a glass of wine and I like the music I will sometimes try. There are no good stories that have resulted from this. Well, there is the one about the red candle wax which ended up on the floor in my last apartment when I was single and that is why I lost my deposit.
• “Perfect Fit: In your life, what’s a perfect fit?”
  Not my clothes AHAHAHA!!! Cause nothing I own really fits right anymore.
• “Troublesome Goal: Write about a goal you’ve had trouble achieving.”
  Blogging every day, or even every week. I am FAILing. BIG TIME. This just made me feel guilty.
• “Diary: Write a diary entry, dated March 2, 2020.”
  I can’t even write an entry dated TODAY.
• “March: Fill in the blanks: “I’d like to march right up to ______ and say, ‘_____.'””
  I don’t really have any unresolved conflict that I feel the need to air.
• “Old friend: Write about an old friend you’ve lost touch with and would like to talk to again.”
  The people I have lost touch with, I have lost touch with for a reason. Like we had nothing in common and it was too much work. I hope they are having great lives but I don’t feel the need to add some high-maintenance friends to my life right now.

Well that’s it for today, now I have a blog post. Hooray!