Yesterday we watched all 3 extended versions of The Lord Of The Rings movies. Here are some very important observations I have made about Middle Earth:

– You know danger is nearby because you suddenly go into slow motion. You won’t go out of slow motion until you strike the first blow against your enemy.
– Everybody wants to be an elf because they have all the cool stuff. Humans are dirty, dwarves are mean, and Hobbits have to carry rings and die, but elves are cool, their cities are beautiful, their clothes and jewelry are great, they are always clean, and everybody wants to be one.
– If you are latently powerful, either evil or good, your hair is really dirty and stringy. Ex: Wormtongue, Aragorn, Gandalf (when he was grey)
– I don’t think it is a good idea to be living in any kind of provincial village. Mostly you just get pillaged and burned. And when that happens, everybody runs back and forth screaming.
– And my most important observation:

Grima Wormwood	Meatloaf, 1975